? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
