Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
