So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
