She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Are we still banned from the library?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
