piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
