apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
