Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
