direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Everclear isn't food dammit
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