i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
