I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We got so high we made milksteak
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
