your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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