i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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