Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
