Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
