3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
