You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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