we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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