did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize