she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
