So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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