I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
