We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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