I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
