Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
