Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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