Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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