you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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