I'm going to jail i love you
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
