from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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