And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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