I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
