You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
