it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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