If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
do nipples grow back?
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