Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
