A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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