when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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