Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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