I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
