that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
organizing the empties. That sober.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
