He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
