I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
