I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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