I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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