if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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