And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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