Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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