FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize