Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
