You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
