guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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