Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
