So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
