I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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