the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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