well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
