I heard we made out
In America we eat man semen.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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