You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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