So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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