look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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