..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
