Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
