all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
