My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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