i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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