when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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