why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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